Thursday, October 20, 2005

Sacking A Down City: Benson and the Saints Look Southwest

The greatest villain in NFL ownerdom is Art Modell, the man who moved the Browns from Cleveland, a city that backed the team but loathed its proprietor, to Baltimore.

As of this week, the distinction of being the NFL owner most likely burned in effigy could very well pass to someone new with Tom Benson's "opening" of negotiations with the city of San Antonio for the permanent relocation of the New Orleans Saints.

Tom Benson is not exactly someone I would call a "true character." He comes off more crusty than colorful, with his most flamboyant trait being his victory dance, known as the "Benson Boogie," after a Saints win...a not so common sight since current Head Coach Jim Haslett's first season (2000).

Tom Benson has spent the last ten years either lamenting the lack of revenue the team has generated in New Orleans or issuing quarterly threats to leave New Orleans, perhaps going to Los Angeles, a city the NFL desperately wants to have a team yet whose residents don't seem the least bit concerned about the media market vacuum in their area.

After Los Angeles, the move pickings get pretty slim, with Portland, Salt Lake City, Orlando, and Sacramento being the second string cities. Barely mentioned as a real contender is San Antonio, a city with an indoor football stadium, the Alamodome, that lacks the optimal number of luxury suites to bring in the big bucks.

Despite NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue's unfavorable comments about a move to San Antonio earlier this season, football fans in southern Texas have not refrained from obnoxiously waving "San Antonio Saints" signs at the first two games in the Alamodome.

Why don't they just do the "Benson Boogie" on New Orleans' grave while they are at it?

Benson, a former car salesman, pulled off the biggest lemon push in his old industry's history when he goaded his political ally Governor Mike Foster into inking a deal that would shovel millions of dollars in tax dollars to appease Benson's avarice.

With Hurricane Katrina destroying most of southern Louisiana, Benson's siphoning of the state treasury will likely come to a close. Even a strong governor like Foster would have a tough time selling to the legislature subsidizing an extremely profitable business with so many other pressing needs.

In a way, I have gotten accustomed to the cantankerous codger's not-so veiled relocation threats. Like hurricane warnings, the ominous demands leaving from Benson's flapping jowls are nothing new.

What really gets my goat is the attitude of some of the men in black and gold about a possible move.

"We'd rather play our home games here without a doubt because San Antonio wants us," said Saints Pro-Bowl Wide Receiver Joe Horn, in response to the slow ticket sales for the home games at Death Valley (LSU).

That's a nice thing to say Joe. Slam a community of refugees who have more vital expenses than plunking down their Red Cross money to see the Saints screw up yet another season.

All I got to say to smack-talking Horn is this: I can think of a new place to shove your little cell phone.

Guard Kendyl Jacox whined about not knowing where he will spend the night prior to a game.

Hey Kendyl, who the hell are you? I mean it. I have no idea who you are, but you are making your helmet-throwing psychopath predecessor (Kyle Turley) look like a scholar and a gentleman.

Poor millionaire Kendyl! I am sure the tens of thousands of Louisianans who don't know where they will be sleeping on any given weeknight, let alone the eve of the "big game," because the storm destroyed everything they owned are lighting candles for you at the St. Jude Shrine this very moment.

The Saints have made it a tradition to disappoint its fans on the field season after season, yet the fans still came; they still sold out the cavernous Superdome even when there was little reason to do so.

And now, with New Orleans in ruins, this pack of jackasses that does a poor job pretending to be a professional football team has now let their fans down off the field as well.

The Saints can not only go to San Antonio; they can go to hell too.which is where the San Antonio Saints fans will find themselves when the Captain Queeg of NFL owners tries to extort their city as well.

In conclusion, I would like to publicly offer my thanks to ex-Saints executive Arnold Fielkow, who was sacked reportedly for arguing for playing some of the regular season games at LSU.

Thanks Arnie for standing up for the state that made Tom Benson a far richer man by helping him land the team in the eighties. Benson is master of a franchise worth in the mid-nine figures, a wealth status he would have never attained just peddling cars.

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